Marriage education for single Sikhs and already married Sikhs can help individuals gain valuable knowledge and perspective on how to be the best partner possible and navigate themselves through a healthy marriage. There is little guidance and real life resources for Sikhs to turn to when it comes to understanding a Gristi Jeevan (householder’s life).
In any aspect of life, there are things one should know to be successful (professionally and socially), just like this – it is important to develop and grow a relationship with our Guru and to understand what marriage means in Sikhi. Through this, one arms themself with the skills of having a loving relationship with our Guru and your partner. You learn of the responsibilities a couple has towards each other and towards our Guru.
So how do we learn this?
Through the real life examples of our Gurus and how they lived, through Gurbani and the Sikhya (teachings) it gives us.
What are the biggest stresses on a modern day marriage?
- Communication – Failure to communicate with one another is one of the biggest problems married people experience. It is therefore important to learn how to share our feelings, expectations, goals and dreams for the future of our family. For example, the second of the five ‘chors’ (vices) is anger; It is important that people learn how to manage the anger they will inevitably feel from time to time. In this way, they will prevent themselves from saying or doing something that will hurt the person they love.
- External influence – Having multiple opinions and influences affecting your marriage adds stress to your relationship. Have open conversations as soon as possible about the boundaries you will set as a couple to limit how much influence external people will have.
- Evolving – Ways to solve problems and resolve conflict are skills single and married people should develop; working together with the bigger picture in mind can help in decision making and building stronger bonds with your other half.
- Taboo topics – Sex education is a topic which rarely finds a forum in our Gurdwaras. Most Sikhs marry with very little knowledge of this important area of married life which too often tends to lead to unfilled marriages for many.
- Compatibility – Lifestyle, perspective, goals and ambitions… Single Sikhs need to learn how to get to know the person they may want to marry in a safe and respectful manner beforehand. Asking and answering each other’s questions are an important part of the process, so learning which questions to ask are key to getting the real answers you need to hear.
Marriage education courses provide a way for single and married Sikhs to learn these skills. Learning what you need to know for a successful marriage early on gives you the opportunity to get off to a good start. For those already married, it helps grow your relationship even further and redirect focus back to Guru Ji. Courses are available through respected Sikh organisations such as Basics of Sikh, Naujwani and Lavaan.co.uk.
As Sikhs we need to commit to making marriage education available and accessible. Parents need to encourage their children to get this education just as they encourage them to do well in their studies and professionally.
It is the responsibility of Single and married Sikhs to make a commitment to enrol in marriage education courses, it is even more important to do this before finding a partner so you are equipped to know what you are looking for. The role of a husband or wife is one of the most important roles you’ll ever have, don’t underestimate the amount of guidance and support you can get from marriage education; to help you prepare for your future – a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage.
If you are interested in attending a marriage course, please get in touch with us.
